Wax Play: What to expect your first time

“Wax play” tends to get a dramatic reputation, like it’s all fire and intensity. The beauty about wax play is, you're in control. It can be as soft or daring as you make it. Think of it more like a warm touch that lingers, or a slow tease that builds anticipation. It can be bold if you want it to be, or feel like a relaxing quiet ritual between you and your partner. 

Before getting in too deep, I want to acknowledge a few things. When we are referencing how to use candles in this article , it is solely in reference to Wicked Sensory candles. We believe you should follow each manufacturer's suggested uses as they have been written around their products capabilities. While providing candles is our business, this article is meant to inform, intrigue and hopefully inspire you to try something new! In the efforts of this not being a continuous sales pitch, I want to avoid shameless promotion of our brand throughout by disclosing this up front. We really hope you choose to check out our selection of products here at wickedsensory.com, thank you!

Before we get into the common myths, I want to share that there is no one correct way to enjoy wax play, and it’s perfectly fine if your first time is more about curiosity than intimacy.

Myth Busting:

Myth 1: “It burns or hurts.”

Wax play is about sensation, not suffering. I can't speak for other manufacturer's products, but I'm confident in ours. With any of our products and your safe practices, it should feel like a very hot shower. Focus on communicating with your partner what feels like a comfortable distance as you learn together. Everyone is different!

Myth 2: “It’s only for hardcore kinksters.”

Wax play is adaptable. As previously mentioned, the control is yours. You set the temperature, the placement, and the mood. It can be sensual, playful, romantic — or something a bit more sinister. Either way, communication is required. .

Myth 3: “Any candle will do.”

Sorry, but your 3-wick lavender honey decorative candle isn’t invited. Many candles burn too hot or contain additives that can irritate skin. Choosing the right wax is part of the pleasure. There are so many different colors and effects to choose from. 

Myth 4: “Darker Candle Colors Are Hotter.”

You may have seen people online swear that darker candle colors — especially deep reds, blacks, or purples — feel hotter on the skin than lighter shades. Color has nothing to do with temperature. Melting temperature is determined by the type of waxes and additives used, not its color. 

Myth 5: “It’s messy, dangerous, and not worth it.”

With a little prep, wax play is surprisingly clean, safe, and deeply connective. Turns out, wax is less chaotic than your last group chat. The next section is a checklist that can really help with cleanup.


Before you start:

1. Communication & Mood Prep Checklist

1. Discuss whether the wax will be dripped or poured — dripping allows for more precision, pouring covers a wider area for a bolder sensation.
2. Decide where wax will be dripped or poured. Mark “yes” and “no” zones in advance.
3. Choose a starting height — some manufacturers suggest 18–24 inches, but with Wicked Sensory play candles we recommend 8 inches for beginners, newcomers, and anyone trying out products for the first time.
4. Check in regularly during play — the candle holder should ask how the wax feels; the wax receiver should speak up if they’d like the candle height adjusted for more or less heat.
5. Music: a great time to choose a music playlist and what lighting will be used. Choose something according to the mood you are trying to set. 
6. Before your first use - following our product testing guide for first time product users. 
   

2. Safety & Materials Checklist

1. Damp washcloth - for quick clean-up or cooling the skin if needed.
2. Water - to stay hydrated and as an extra precaution.
3. Fire extinguisher - safety first, it’s like an umbrella; you probably won’t need it, but it’s smart to have on hand.
4. Skin-safe, low-temperature candles 
5. Towel or blanket - to protect the surface beneath the play area.
   

3. Area Prep

1. Protect surfaces with a towel or blanket.
2. Gather all checklist items and have them easily accessible. 
3. Choose a place that will promote comfort with minimal movement, also consider the candle holders positioning and ability to play safely. Standing one the side of a bed or massage table are great options. 
4. Remember to keep aftercare items nearby so you don’t have to hunt for them later!
   

4. Skin Prep

1. Start with clean, dry skin.
2. Tie back hair or cover areas you don’t want wax on.
3. For skin with hair add a small amount of baby powder to assist removing wax after it has dried
4. For skin without hair, use a SMALL amount of mineral or baby oil. 
   
   See more in our tips and tricks section at the end.

Choosing your candle:

As we jokingly mentioned, the standard over the counter scented candle is not going to work. In addition to additive irritants like preservatives, certain hardeners, and added scents, most are formulated for long lasting burning. This means a much higher melting point, producing wax well in excess of what would be safe for skin contact.

After my partner received second degree burns from something advertised as “play candles” found online, Wicked Sensory was founded. Dedicating ourselves to providing safe and tested wax products. We never want anyone to experience that ever again. For those of you that unfortunately have, my empathy is with you. What you thought was going to be an exciting shared moment turned into scars and days of pain. If this is your story please try our products.

So again, I can’t and won’t speak to our competitors' products, but I trust our’s wholeheartedly, and I would never ask you to use a candle or product that I wouldn’t use myself.

Emotional Tone & Communication

Wax play isn’t just about sensation — it’s about the connection between the person holding the candle and the person receiving the wax. That connection comes from trust, communication, and the excitement that comes with trying something new together!

Start with a conversation, not the candle.
Talk through boundaries, comfort levels, expectations and curiosities before you begin. Decide what you’re both open to trying, and just as importantly, what’s off-limits for now.

During play, check in regularly.
A simple “How does that feel?” or “Want it a little hotter or cooler?” can help the receiver feel cared for and keep the session positive. The receiver should also feel empowered to speak up — even small adjustments like changing drip height or location can make a big difference.

I’ll take this opportunity to share a communication system for easy in-play clarity.

One simple tool I love is the “Green/Yellow/Red” system. 

• Green means “keep going,”
• Yellow is “pause and/or let’s adjust”
• Red is “stop, I’m done.” 
  
  It’s quick, clear, and easy to use without breaking the mood.
  
  ***It is 100% NOT recommended that the candle holder request to deviate. The appropriate time for those negotiations are before play, not during, not after. Discussing the events afterward are encouraged! Let the receiver enjoy the experience without something additional being asked of them. Many people experience a drop in dopamine after sensory play, so aftercare is required. We plan to do a future article focused solely on this dopamine drop commonly known as “sub drop” 

Read each other’s body language. (but don’t rely on it!)
Sometimes comfort or discomfort shows in facial expressions, breathing, or subtle shifts before words are spoken. Candle holders should stay aware of these cues and be ready to slow down or switch things up. 

Keep the emotional tone aligned with your goal.
If you’re aiming for playful and teasing, keep conversation light and flirty. If you’re going for deep connection, focus on skin contact, slower movements, and pauses that let you both savor the moment.

Remember: Consent is an ongoing process.
Communicate, communicate, COMMUNICATE!!!

What to expect your first time

To everyone, but written to help those with little to no experience:

First and foremost, give grace in all directions. Even though our candles won’t cause injury when used properly, the truth is, wax play isn’t for everyone. So from Wicked Sensory ownership to our wax receivers, have the confidence to give the “Red” call out if the experience is not enjoyable. To our candle holders: you will pour too much on accident, you will unintentionally miss your target and hit a more sensitive area, you will make an accidental mess. Take a moment, check on your partner's wellness, understand what happened and take future precautions.

Before first use - Product testing: Check out our “how to test” instructions here

DO NOT put lit candles on your bed. Designate a clear, safe and sturdy place for lit candles to reside like a side table or dresser. To avoid additional clean up, place a piece of wax paper down.

After your checklists are complete and the mood has been set, wax play can begin.


To the receiver:

• We suggest starting your journey with drops, as it is generally less intense.
• The first drops typically produce a small shock to the body. This sensation is slightly intensified when the receiver is unable to see when the drop is hitting their skin.
• Give yourself permission to relax.
• As drops continue making contact with your skin most people acclimate quickly and the shock subsides. Suggestion: if the shock does not subside, have your partner raise the height of the candle to allow a lower temperature.
• Needs change throughout play. Hotter or cooler, open communication is important. Utilizing the “green, yellow, red” system is a great easy way to communicate needs on the fly. 
  To the candle holder:
  
  You have a lot of responsibility, but I’m going to highlight the most important in my opinion.
• Make sure your partner is comfortable and able to communicate clearly and honestly.
• The flame is under your control. When in doubt, extinguish the flame. You can always relight the candle. 
  
  Let the candle burn for 1-2 minutes before use. 
  
  Rotate the candle slowly while drips fall to promote even melting. 

Aftercare Essentials

Aftercare is about more than removing wax and cleanup — it’s the time you take to soothe skin, reconnect emotionally, and let your bodies and minds settle after the experience.

Wax Removal

• Remove wax in the same manner it was applied. Playful and flirty or intentional and immersed.
• Most wax will peel away in large pieces easily. For stubborn spots use a smooth flat edge. A credit card works great and is gentle.
• Skin with hair can take longer, but painless removal can be achieved with care.

** Check out our tips and tricks for more. 

Check in emotionally.

• Share how the experience felt for each of you. Good and bad.
• Give physical comfort — cuddling, holding hands, or lying close — to help re-establish calm intimacy. 
• If it was your first time, celebrate that step together, even if you only tried a little.
• Soothe and hydrate the skin.
• Apply a gentle, fragrance-free lotion or body oil to replenish moisture.
  If there’s any lingering warmth or sensitivity, use a cool, damp cloth to calm the area.
• Tidy the space at your own pace. 
• There’s no rush to jump into clean-up mode. Let the moment breathe before packing things away.
  

Aftercare is your cool down, a bonding moment. It helps ensure that wax play feels like a complete, satisfying experience rather than something that ends abruptly. The goal is to leave both partners feeling cared for, respected, and even more connected than when you started.

Your first experience doesn’t have to be elaborate or intense to be meaningful. Whether you explored just a few drops or built up to longer pours, you took the time to communicate, prepare, and share something new — and that’s worth celebrating.

The fun thing about wax play is that it’s totally yours to shape. You get to decide the pace, the mood, and how far you want to take it. Over time, you’ll figure out what you love. Maybe you’ll stick with gentle drips, or maybe you’ll find you like to turn the heat up a little.

Just remember: keep it safe, stay open to trying different things, and never feel pressured to go faster than you want. The best experiences are the ones where you walk away feeling cared for, turned on in your own way, and excited to explore again when you decide the time is right.”

Tips & Tricks: 

• Use a warm towel to preheat the skin. This is a great way to lower initial intensity/shock. For most the difference is dramatic. If you find wax play too intense or intimidating I highly encourage you to use this method. 
• Start slow
• Avoid using wax above the shoulders and on genital areas. 
• Always test the new wax products on yourself before starting on your partner.
• Never leave a lit candle unattended, even for a moment.
• Avoid wearing hairspray, perfumes, and all other alcohol-based products
• For cooler wax, drip from higher up. For more intense heat, lower the drip height slightly (with caution).
• Layer your colors
• Add ice to your play and switch intermittently for an intense contrast. Do not use ice in the same location you are using your wax. 
• Hydrate — wax play can be surprisingly dehydrating.
• Give your partner verbal reassurance and positive affirmations
• Be creative, have fun, and remember, there is no “universal right way” to do wax play. Stay safe everyone!